The Yew Times – June 2012 Edition

The latest edition of the Yew Times is out, put together by members of the community. It’s one of those things that’s slowly helping to rebuild a bit of the community and official website that UO has lost along the way, and it gives people a reason to visit the official site.

Anyways, there’s always a few parts of it that get a chuckle out me, and this reference to Mondain and Minax did just that:

Madman’s Journal Discovered

Mondain Remembers… how he got the Gem of Immortality. A collection of writings believed to be Mondain’s memoirs was recovered by a collector and turned over to the Lycaeum for study. Although many of the pages were extremely brittle and worn with age, one clearly legible page was of particular interest.

“Minax and I lived on an island in those days. We were young and in love and very happy. While I busied myself with my research, Minax spent her days doing Minax things to small furry animals. My research centered on the small lights that flickered offshore. They were very bright at night and sometimes blood would swell up into the sea from the dancing lights. Minax discovered this first. I found her one moony night, keening and gibbering madly on the beach, covered in the blood of the sea. Only by letting her suck my neck could I sooth her long enough to get her to the water trough and bathe her. I determined to discover for myself what lay in those depths. And, with the help of my trusty island pygmy, Baldric, I built a diving chamber. We loaded it onto a small ship and sailed one evening to the spot where the lights came out at night. As those devilish lights began hopping about the surface, I crammed Baldric into the chamber and lowered him by rope into the bleeding sea. Although he lacked an air supply, Baldric had confidence in my ability to decipher his tugs on the rope. The mere frantic, I ignored. But truly convulsive tugs meant his skin was turning blue and I would haul him up for a wheezy debriefing. Soon, a picture emerged of a sunken ship resting on the bottom. Before poor Baldric went into permanent convulsions, I learned the prow of that ship was adorned by a skull pouring blood from its eyes! Well, that settled it. Baldric would have to go down one more time and get that skull.Of course, I was deeply concerned about Baldric. The way he was flopping around now, he could damage the skull in retrieving it. But we scientists must take risks so, shouting my instructions, I plopped him in one last time and prayed for the skull’s deliverance. “This is your last dive, Baldric,” I crooned soothingly as he sank. And he did it! Baldric got the skull! He was never quite right after this, but he had always been a bit twitchy to begin with. And I had the skull! I immediately spotted the key clenched in the skull’s teeth. I pried the key loose and read the inscription on its side, “Pacemaker.” This key would unlock my dad’s pacemaker! I could get the Gem of Immortality that powered dad’s pacemaker! Oh! WoW! Was I excited!

And, well, you know the rest of the story.”

Read the full Yew Times at the UO Herald.